stills and ramblings

My creative writing. An ongoing process of processing and reiteration. A little dark. Kisten S. Chetty

Six

Fine is not good enough anymore.

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Six

Six

“no, it’s fine”

                                                          “sorry I asked.”

Six

Six

I choose what I do next

Yesterday

Yesterday

I rode the bus three times

Having time before work

Raining again

Heavy enough this time to force bowed heads

Weekend in the City playing

Reminds me of New Orleans

A year ago? Two?

In a strange room full of strangers asleep

Water has made its way into my left shoe

My own mistake for wearing a holy shoe

without the resolve

Sky wetter

Raining heavier

the album is almost over

I realize it’s on shuffle

An apt analogy for this last semester

A familiar set of songs in a predictable series

Now disconcerting

Out of place

Recognizable but holding no comfort

I know the bus driver is staring

I could have left

I didn’t

I rode the bus three times

Maybe for the illusion of forward progress

But they ride an infinite loop

And there was no escaping work

Rain

Rain

 

It was the perfect amount of rain, not enough

Wet enough for you to feel justified in carrying your umbrella

but not wet enough to justify opening it.

Heavy enough to feel it collect on your skin

but not heavy enough to be refreshing

There was no wind whipping the droplets into your face

nothing so dramatic

They fell flat

Students may have registered the not enough rain

They did not speed up

They did not look up

They were students

and it was November

and the falling of not enough rain could not compare to the feeling of being behind

and their pre-final post-midterm lives falling down around them

The seat is no place for your feet, sir

The seat is no place for your feet, sir

Lets talk

No wait

We need a conversation before the conversation

I need to tell you I love you

I need to tell you this is painful

I’m going to reach into your mind and break it open

no

I’m not qualified

better

I’m going to show you all the ways I was and am Ignorant

I’m going to tell you what my teachers told me

I’m going to whisper to your heart and explain

that these things can not be objective and clinical

and to talk of such matters

you must expose your beating heart

and let blood mingle

I am going to correct you in so far as I can should and am right

I am going to raise my voice

I am going to get upset

I need you to listen

If this is what you want

If you want to understand

I do not have time for you to debate me

this is no argument

there can be no winner

I am choosing to share with you an experience

I am trying to give you something

something ugly and painful and sad and beautiful

this thing will latch onto your eyes

it will show you color

it will show you suffering

and in panic and fear you will try to shut your eyes

but this knowledge can not be unknown

this thing will burrow into your dreams

it will haunt you

and all of this will be a single slit of knowledge and understanding

from a body of infinite cuts

that every day I search out teachers

I search out new knife wielders to teach me

my ignorance

my arrogance

my privilege

Come

do you still want to talk

let us talk

let us bleed

let it mingle

let pain be shared

and change be possible

Hunt(ed)

Hunt(ed)

 

The strong eat the weak

 

Sometimes I am the strong

I prowl

I crush the weak under foot

I scare the weak for pleasure

I hate their weakness

 

sometimes i am the weak

i cower

i scamper

i sacrifice the other weak to survive

 

i am the weak

and i am eaten

And I hope they choke on me

 

 

 

 

 

Unfortunate Encounters #7

Unfortunate Encounters #7

 

Did you get it?

I got it.

Its cause she…

I got it

What? That shit is funny

I don’t know man, its pretty sexist

What, nah

Yeah, it’s sexist

So what now you think I’m a fucking sexist

No, I was saying…

Tell me what was sexist about it

Okay, so what I found sexist was…

Look, it can’t be sexist my girlfriend laughed at it

That doesn’t mean…

Whatever man, you’re being too sensitive 

You asked

Why are you being such a bitch about this

 

Coin toss

Coin toss

manipulation inspiration

inspiring manipulation

manipulating inspiration

two sides

same coin

same outcome

i flip it often

A beautiful secret

A beautiful secret

 

More hands to help

More eyes to witness

More ears to listen

More mouths to comfort

I need more

Do more

with what I have

That is enough